Saturday, June 7, 2014

Rainbow Smile

When I attended my Uncle Don's funeral I heard several relatives say that I looked just like my mom. Aunt Ruth told me that she always tries to be like my mom. I thought more about Mom that weekend, after being with extended family that I don't see often, including my dad who travelled down from Washington state. I found myself asking, "What would Mom think of me now?" It was with a self-defeated tone that I reflected on this. You see, I'm ashamed of myself. After getting our foster girls back, and after a surgery and some hormonal imbalances, I became a yeller. Sometimes, I would get so mad at their bad behavior that I would act badly. Somehow I justified my actions which opened the door to repeating them.  

I don't remember my mom yelling at me. I know at times I got the silent treatment but no anger-spurting, ugly yelling. Sunday night when I prayed, I was still thinking about my mom. I asked that she could, in spirit, help my brother, who I was concerned about. Then I went to bed.

Monday afternoon I paused from my chores because the girls asked me to step outside to see their concert. I sat on the bench and watched Lily playing a guitar (a plastic rake from their sandbox), our friend, Mateah, beating on her drums (two little step-up stools) and Natasha playing on her little electric kitty piano.  I was amused. Then I looked up. In the southern sky there was an amazing rainbow smile.  I don't know that I've ever seen one of these in my whole lifetime!

Whenever I see a rainbow, the words come to my mind from the song my mom picked for her funeral. (Click here to see a youtube video of it)  "I'll build you a rainbow, way up high above, send down a sunbeam, all plumb full of love, sprinkle down raindrops, teardrops of joy, I'll be happy in heaven, watching over my boy girl." That's what I sing when I see a rainbow. 

It later occurred to me what day it was. May 19th, my mom's birthday. 

Sitting there on the front porch, watching my little girls in their dress-up clothes performing for me, with the rainbow smile above their little heads, left me feeling different inside.

This morning I came across this scripture..."this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus."

The first thing that impressed me is 'forgetting those things which are behind me' (break out into singing Let It Go!)  Yelling is behind me. I also considered specific ways to 'reach forth' and 'press toward the mark'. Lastly, I thought of what my high calling is. Another song that my mom picked for her funeral is called "The Noblest Call" by Deanna Edwards.  It is worth your time to listen to this beautiful song.

(click here to listen to the song)

Something tells me that it wasn't a coincidence that the girls called me outside on my mom's birthday in time to see the rainbow smile.  Rainbows are fleeting, just like life.