A Dream...

From my Tender Mercies Journal dated May 13, 2008:

"I sat outside on the steps late Saturday night trying to prepare myself emotionally for my first Mother's Day without Josh.  I looked up and when I saw the stars, I instinctively started with "Star Light, Star Bright..." but I didn't continue with the only wish I could think of because it wasn't conducive to God's will.  I just wanted Josh back and of course, I acknowledged it was God's will that I have him back, just in another time.  I thought of all the mothers that would get to hear from their missionary sons on Mother's Day.  I couldn't change that Josh was called to the Spirit World and I do see that call as a 'missionary call', but I started wishing, and then praying, that Josh would be able to communicate with me on Mother's Day.  Immediately, the question came - How? I responded, 'through a dream'.

Around eight o'clock Sunday morning there was a small procession into my bedroom ~ Enos carrying a tray with my breakfast, Nate carrying a vase of freshly picked tulips, and Cody simply carrying a happy 'I love you Mom' expression.  I invited everyone to get their food and join me for breakfast in bed.  After we were all situated, Enos asked, "Did you have any dreams?"  Interesting question, considering I hadn't shared with him what I prayed for the night before.  

I felt a little disappointed as I remembered the dream I was having when they woke me up.  I told them about it ~ how I found myself in a church parking lot at a youth activity.  Little slips of paper were handed out and I remember reading it.  It was an address: 1 24th.  Everyone was getting into cars and taking off.  I only recognized or took notice of one person.  It was Kaleb, a friend of Josh's.  Wanting him to succeed in this little treasure hunt activity, and seeing him standing there alone, I asked, "Do you want me to hop in the back of your car and give you directions?"  He said, "Sure."  I remember thinking, "We'll go over to 24th street and head down the hill until we find the address where the treasure it."  We were just leaving the parking lot when my boys brought me breakfast in bed.

I was disappointed that I didn't see Josh in my dream, but as the morning wore on, I started to wonder if Josh had communicated with me.  Was he asking me to help Kaleb?  I started to see symbolism.  It was a treasure hunt.  What treasure is there greater than the joy the gospel brings, the blessings of eternal life?  {Kaleb was not active in the church, although he had attended some YM & Scouting activities}  I wondered what I was supposed to do.  I remembered that Kaleb was driving a car; maybe this experience of helping Kaleb would happen when he was older. {At this point in time, I believe he was only 12, going on 13} Immediately I was told that this too was symbolic.  I could offer Kaleb (in my dream) to give him directions but he had to be the one to turn the key.  He had to be in the driver's seat.

Kaleb at Scout Camp

Before I took to the task of writing this down, I was out on a walk with Enos.  I shared with him basically everything I have just written.  His comment to me was, "We follow 24th street down to the bottom of the hill when we go to the temple."

I have received a spiritual witness that Josh cares about Kaleb's spiritual progression.  It wasn't the Mother's Day gift I expected but it makes sense coming from a missionary son.

Best Christmas Present Ever!

My most cherished Christmas gift from this year was given to us back in April. Our family invited someone from Enos' work over for Christmas Eve last year because we knew he would otherwise be spending it alone. Terrance brought his new camera and he followed us around the house recording even mundane things. Although it wasn't a planned program, the evening turned to music sharing. During Nathan's duet at the piano, Terrance gets a close up of Josh's face breaking into a shy and adorable smile. Amazingly, Terrance never deleted the footage. After Josh passed away, he downloaded it onto our computer. It means the world to me.