Can you see our light, Josh?

An entry from my Tender Mercies Journal dated Aug. 22, 2008

We had family home evening last Sunday. It was the first time since Josh passed away that we had an official family home evening - with someone in the 'conductor's chair', with an opening hymn, prayer, lesson, refreshments and an activity. There are some things that are emotionally difficult to go back to. After Nate finished the lesson, we talked about how different it was without Josh (less interruptions and less entertainment) and being so tender hearted, Nathan and Enos both cried a bit.

We took a bag of bread and headed to Beus Pond to feed the ducks for our activity. We felt Heavenly Father's love for us as we soaked in the natural beauty all around us.

We stopped at the cemetary on our way home. As we stood around Josh's grave, Cody pulled a little white plastic 'tea candle' out of his pocket. He turned the switch on underneath and the little flame on top started to glow. He placed it by Josh's memorial. Just then the nearby line of sprinklers shut down and correctly anticipating the closer ones would quickly turn on, we ran for the car.

We drove up and around to the top point of the cemetary and there Enos stopped. We were in the little red Cabriolet convertible and could all look down and see the dim glow of the candle. I found myself grateful to be able to see the light from that distance and I wondered, "Can you see our light, Josh?"

Enos interrupted my thoughts by pointing excitedly in the other direction and saying, "Look!" There were two deer standing just north of us. Directly above the two bucks, a star suddenly blazed brightly. We followed it's brilliant dive earthward. None of us could speak for a moment.

(Nathan made this sculpey art to remember our experience)

We all felt Josh had seen our little light and sent a sign. I told Enos when I could speak, "It's just like Josh to outdo us!" Nathan shared with us that the last time he had seen a shooting star, he was with Josh laying down on the trampoline looking up at the night sky. Cody declared that he had never in his life seen a shooting star so bright and brilliant and what a long streak it made!

We walked back into our home that night feeling like we had received an amazing gift. Instead of feeling sad and weighed down, we were in a celebratory spirit.

This week I've found myself singing, "Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket, never let it fade away...Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket, save it for a rainy day."

Some people may see the falling star as a coincidence, or the timing of all four of us paused and looking in just the right direction as happenstance, but I will always see the heavenly light as a message of love from Josh.