From my Tender Mercies Journal: April 8, 2008
(2 weeks after Josh passed away)
Last night in my prayer I told Heavenly Father that although people are still blessing our lives, it had been a few days since I had had a personal and powerful experience ~ a tender mercy. (This came after I had cried tears as I, again, went through the "I wish that's". Specifically, I remember thinking, "I wish that I had written little love notes more to Josh..." But gently, I was reminded of one I had left on his pillow. Rather than let this console me, I reminded the little voice, "That was over a year ago."
This morning I took some marbles downstairs to put back away in the game room closet. I had pulled them out Friday morning when Nate called and asked me to find and bring him a white elephant gift for the mountain man rendezvous at school. He returned home with the bag of marbles and explained that he couldn't give them away because some of the marbles belonged to Josh. I returned them to the little tote box and before I shut the closet doors, my eye caught hold of something unexpected. One shelf below sat a small card with a picture of kittens. Could it be? My mind jumped back to my prayer the night before and the reminder of a card I had given to Josh over a year ago. This couldn't be it. I opened it; read it; and exclaimed, "Oh, Heavenly Father, how do you do it?" I know the card wasn't there on Friday because I searched the shelves trying to figure out what would make a good white elephant gift for Nathan.
I guess it doesn't matter how. It matters why.
The card reads:
I'm so proud of you! You have excelled in so many areas ~ with school work at the top.
Daddy and I love you and will forever love you.
Mom (with a heart)
All I could think was, Josh knows. He knows how deeply I love him. This little miracle is to let me know that he knows.